top of page

My System For Coping With Life’s Challenges

Life can be a beautiful journey, but it’s not always plain sailing – we all have to get through storms from time-to-time, facing challenging moments that test our strength and resilience.


Concept person facing life challenges


It may be the loss of a loved one, a career setback, or personal struggles, these times can feel overwhelming, like your emotions have taken over your life. 


However, it’s during these moments that we discover our true strength and often feel surprised at the level of resilience we have within us. 


I’ve had a huge amount of adversity in my life and have just been through some MORE challenging times. 


In the last year and a half, my Dad collapsed and had to go into a home due to dementia and soon after that my Mum collapsed and got a cancer diagnosis. My Dad then almost died from a urinary infection. At the same time, a close family member made an attempt to end their own life and because of no support from the NHS, my partner and I rehabilitated them (thankfully they are now much better!). After a long few months my Dad also stabilised, but was left completely bed-bound and with a huge loss of cognition. We began to recover as a family from all those traumatic experiences, then my Mum passed away very suddenly from a stroke in October.


I felt emotionally battered and bruised after all that! 


Friends said “How did you come out of that in one piece?!” 


To be honest, I didn’t get off totally scot-free. I don’t have siblings and my parents were two hours away, so I was whizzing up and down the A303, trying to support everyone all over the place and keep my businesses going.


At one point I did collapse with ‘carer burnout’ and had to take some down-time, but I bounced-back pretty quickly and became curious about how I support myself through difficult times.


Here’s my system for self-support. You can use it yourself through life’s challenges.


1. Stop and Assess

When things go wrong, it can feel like the boat of your life has been turned upside-down and you are under the water, not knowing which way is up.

 

In that scenario, you either struggle and wear yourself out (and probably drown), or stop, calm down and watch which way the bubbles are going to take you back to the surface.


The most important first step is to stop. Don’t struggle, don’t resist, don’t fight, stop. If you need to go somewhere quiet, sit or lie down, do it. Give yourself some time and space to adjust to what has happened.


2. Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance means accepting things as they are – both the event and your feelings and emotions about it.


Accept that something difficult has happened in your life – it’s cr*p, but it’s happened. Going over the why’s and wherefores of it or mulling over the shoulds and shouldn’ts is arguing with your reality and any time you do that you create more suffering for yourself.


Find acceptance for what has happened, allow your system to process it and adjust to the new reality.


3. Keep it Simple!

This is a key step! Strip everything back in your life in order to simplify things as much as possible. Take time off work, cancel plans with friends, get support with your children, take some solitude. The key is to remove anything that’s unnecessary in life. 


You need as much capacity as possible to deal with the challenge you’re facing, simplifying gives you extra bandwidth and eases the load on your nervous system.


4. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s important to acknowledge your emotions. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated or even fearful. These emotions are valid and part of being human. Suppressing them may prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to feel, cry if you need to and express your emotions in a healthy way. 


You may have gone into shock and feel numb or disassociated, that’s OK too and could be an indication that you have created a Heart Wall (read my article ‘What is a Heart Wall in The Emotion Code?’). 


Whatever you feel, validate and accept it for what it is – it will pass.


5. Self-Compassion

Self-care and compassion is a big part of getting through tough times. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. 


Instead of criticising yourself for how you’re feeling, remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle. Everyone has difficult moments and it’s through self-compassion that we find the strength to pick ourselves back up.



Eating healthy food for self-care

6. Establish a Routine

This is a key step to instigate as soon as possible.


When everything feels chaotic, establishing a routine can provide a sense of normalcy and control. Predictability feels safe, so routine adds a feeling of security.

 

Give yourself a framework each day to begin with. Start with getting up, going to bed and eating at the same times each day, then introduce other routines and habits to self-support.


Whether it’s making your bed, going for a walk, or preparing a healthy meal, these small actions can help ground you and also bring a sense of accomplishment. Start with small, manageable tasks and gradually build from there.


7. Make a Plan

Establishing a plan of action is a positive step you can take.

 

What can you do to change or improve what’s happened? List out the steps in order and start to implement as soon as you feel able. Can you enlist the help and support of others? Add them to the list.


If you’re unable to change what’s happened, such as with bereavement or losing a job, realising that you are in charge of your thoughts and that you can actually change your viewpoint on things is a point of power. 


Can you change the thoughts and beliefs you hold about the situation?

 

If you can’t, then that is back to practicing radical acceptance and being kind to yourself through your healing journey.



Support of friends, walking on beach

8. Connect With Others

There’s so much truth in the saying “A problem shared is a problem halved”.


Human connection is a powerful tool for healing. Reaching out to friends, family or a support group can help you to ride through difficult times. Talking to someone who understands or simply listening to a supportive voice can be incredibly comforting.


Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.


9. Practice Being Present

All you have is now, this present moment you are living right now. 


But when life gets tricky, there can be a lot of negative to think about! Mulling over what’s happened and/or worrying about the future is a natural tendency, but can make you feel even worse.


Keeping things stripped back by being in the present moment as much as possible can be transformative during tough times. This practice can help you to stay present and reduce the overwhelming feelings of anxiety. 


Start with a few minutes a day. Focus on your breath, notice your ‘now’ moment:

  • What can you see around you?

  • What can you hear?

  • What can you smell?

  • What body sensations can you feel?

  • What feelings and emotions are you experiencing? Name them if you can.

  • Where do you feel them in your body?


Observe all of this without judgment – just ‘be’ for five minutes, be absolutely in your now moment and nowhere else. 


Gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with this concept.


10. Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise is a natural mood booster. Physical activity releases feel-good chemicals known as endorphins which can help alleviate stress and improve your overall mood. Whether it’s a brisk walk, going to the gym, yoga, or dancing in your living room, find an activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your routine.


11. Find Joy in Small Things

When life is falling apart, noticing the good things around you can help to keep your mind and feelings in balance. 


Small things in life are everywhere – the warmth of the sun, the sound of birds, or a good cup of coffee. These small moments of joy can add up and make a big difference in your overall mood. 


It can feel like an effort when life is tough, but the more you do this, the easier it becomes as your brain re-calibrates to looking for the good stuff.


12. Set Realistic Goals

Set small, achievable goals to help you move forwards each day. These goals don’t have to be monumental, they can be as simple as reading a book, completing a task at work or just showering and getting dressed. Accomplishing these goals can give you a sense of purpose and direction.


Try to do at least one good thing a day, and remember to congratulate yourself on the achievement when you go to bed at night.



Woman drinking coffee, gratitude for small things

13. Embrace Gratitude

Gratitude can shift your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right. 


Each day, write down three things you feel grateful for. They can be big or small. Practicing gratitude regularly can help reframe your perspective and bring more positivity into your life.


And there is a ton of science behind gratitude – it literally changes your brain chemistry and function when done regularly over 21 – 30 days.


14. Build Resilience

Laboratory experiments have shown that the heart rate and blood pressure of resilient people returned to normal much quicker, meaning that becoming resilient counterbalances the physical effects of stress. 


The biggest way to build resilience is to change your explanatory style. This means telling a more empowering story about what has happened, rather than a victimised one.


All experiences help us to grow in some way. Instead of talking about how this terrible thing has ‘happened to you’, look for the areas you’ve grown by experiencing it:

  • Did you learn something new?

  • Were people kind to you that you never even knew cared?

  • Did you discover inner resources that you didn’t know existed?

  • Did you make a positive change in your life?


Adopting this mindset can help you to feel more empowered and build resilience which in turn, will support you through any future adversities you face.


Finally…

Difficult times are an inevitable part of life, but they also offer an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. By accepting what’s happened, supporting yourself with compassion, establishing a routine, connecting with others and finding joy in small things, you can navigate these challenges and emerge stronger. 


Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take things one day at a time. The storm will pass, and the sun will shine again. Stay hopeful, stay resilient, and keep moving forward.


I’m here to be on your support team if needed. Message me through the Contact page to book a free 30 minute consultation and find out how we could work together to get you through this.

With love, Sarah xx










Comments


Commenting has been turned off.
bottom of page