Christmas is fast approaching and with it often comes lots of fun and festivities, spending quality time with family and friends, partying, sharing gifts, lashings of lovely food and drink and hopefully at its core – sharing love and kindness and perhaps finding a little magic too.
But there is also the side that many people dread – being around challenging or emotionally draining family members, having to be the host working around the clock to keep guests catered for and kids happy, feeling totally stressed and overwhelmed by all the planning preparation and financial strain or even having to spend time alone, feeling isolated when it seems as though everyone else is with loved-ones.
If you identify as an Empath, emotionally it can feel like entering the lions’ den with a fresh steak around your neck having to navigate the hectic energy that's often around at this time of year.
So for once, why not make this Christmas the one you came out the other side of feeling as though you've actually had a lovely break!
How to Stay Emotionally Balanced Through The Festive Season
1. Prepare Yourself
Forewarned is forearmed. If you know you're going to be with people that have the potential to trigger you or leave you feeling more emotionally drained than a broken radiator, plan ahead. On an energetic level – people will show you the side of themselves that you expect because Law of Attraction means 'like attracts like'. If you expect them to be difficult, that is the message you're broadcasting and their behaviour will most likely match it.
To counteract this, try the following:
Remember a time when you've had a nice interaction with that person or they've done something nice for you. Keep focusing on that memory every time you feel worried about seeing them.
Bless that person and imagine sending them love.
Focus on and appreciate a positive aspect of the person. If they are a really challenging person and you can't find anything, you could use my emergency one: “You breathe out and are helping the trees on the planet to stay alive”. Yes, funny I know, but it is a positive aspect to focus on.
If you want to go really deep… Realising that people mirror back the parts of you that are unhealed is a powerful tool. Identify what that person does that annoys you – are they negative, self-centred, obnoxious? Can you find that aspect within yourself? We are all a melting pot of emotional ‘stuff’ so if you’re really honest the answer is probably ‘Yes’. Recognise it’s there and set an intention to heal and release it. It can be tough to accept that we do what those annoying people do as well! But I believe that others can only mirror back what is going on inside of you.
These can feel like a stretch, but if you do any of them consistently, you may be surprised at the change you see in the person’s behaviour. This is because their behaviour changes to match the ‘vibes’ you’re sending out about them as thought and emotional energy – you get what you project and expect.
Financial focus. Save yourself a nasty New Year shock by planning your budget. Do it as soon as possible and make sure that along with presents you also budget for food, decorations, trips, guests and if you’re self-employed – unpaid time off over the holidays. If you need to cut back on things, consider reducing your spend per person, handmade gifts or suggest secret Santa with family and friends. There tends to be a lot of waste at Christmas – what can you cut back? People can only eat a certain amount of food and no-one wants to have piled on the pounds by New Year. Really question where those pennies go and if you can, remember what went in the bin uneaten last year.
Keep tabs on your time. It is easy to fall into the ‘headless chicken’ trap when you have a lot to do in a limited time. Start preparations as early as possible and focus on getting one or two things done per day in the run-up to Christmas. This goes for presents too – wrap as you buy. No-one (that I know of anyway) enjoys having to wrap a mountain of presents on Christmas Eve!
2. Protect Yourself
Before meeting up with difficult people, take five or ten minutes to ground and protect yourself doing the following exercises:
Grounding: you can ground yourself by walking/standing barefoot on grass or earth for around 15 minutes. If it’s too cold for that where you are, instead… Sit quietly with eyes closed and feet flat on the ground. Take a few deep breaths and imagine you have roots growing out of the soles of your feet and pressing deep into the ground, like the big strong roots of a tree. Know that you are supported and kept stable by these. If you begin to feel overwhelmed or triggered by situations or people, check back in with your roots – feel the stability and calmness they give you.
Shielding: this one is particularly for the empaths and intuitives out there and thank you to my friend and fellow practitioner Vanessa Westwell for teaching it to me. Shield your energy every day by imagining that you have a big golden egg around you. It’s transparent, so you can see and reach out, but other’s energy can’t penetrate it unless you choose to allow it. Set an anchor to instantly activate it by clicking your fingers and saying “Egg”. Dr Bradley Nelson, creator of The Emotion Code® also teaches a technique where you say “Shields Up!” and imagine you have a protective forcefield around you.
If you are sensitive to other people’s energy, these are great techniques to use on a daily basis, not just at Christmas time.
3. Nurture And Prioritise Yourself
You can't look after others if you're running on fumes yourself. Top priority over the festive season is to make sure your sleep bank is in credit and that you take time for some self-care. Things will go so much better if you're feeling centred. It doesn't have to take long – some time outside in nature, a 15 minute meditation, quiet time doing nothing, writing a list of the people and things you appreciate or anything else you enjoy can set you up for a positive day.
Start your day the right way by setting your state. Put on some uplifting music, dance or listen to inspirational podcasts. These all get you into a positive state of being which will make a busy, challenging day that much easier.
Are you pushing yourself too hard? If you have shed-loads of invites and feel pulled in as many different directions as Santa’s reindeer, prioritise and ditch the guilt. It's fine not to want to go to everything and see everyone (even family members) – we all have our limits. Work out which events you feel happy to go to and let the others know kindly (but firmly) that you won't be able to attend. They may actually feel relieved at one less person to cater for! And if you have trouble with setting boundaries – remember – “No” is a whole sentence.
4. Breathing Space
If chaos descends – Mum’s sniping, Dad’s griping, Uncle Dave is on his 10th brandy and the kids are tired and emotional, breathing is a wonderful way to find calm and re-centre yourself. When I learned to meditate with a tibetan monk, his mantra was “Your breath is your home”. You can always come home to your breathing no matter what craziness is going on outside of you.
If you’re finding people or things really challenging, find a quiet space (even the toilet) to sit for five or ten minutes and do the following exercise:
Take three to five deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do be careful not to hyperventilate.
Allow your breathing to return to normal. If it's racing, consciously slow it a little. – On each in-breath: focus on the sensation of the cold air entering your nostrils. – On each out-breath: focus on the sensation of the warm air leaving your mouth.
Next, as you breathe in, imagine the air is scooping up all the anxious feelings wherever they are in your body. On the out-breath, blow the air out a few times, imagining that those feelings are being ejected with it and released for good.
When you're stressed your breathing is more shallow and quick. Focused breathing slows your breath and allows more oxygen to reach your brain and body. It also stops you thinking about whatever is stressing you out for a while, breaking the negative cycle and allowing your body to return to a calmer state.
Essential oils are a great tool to support you both physically and emotionally. One sniff from a bottle goes straight into the emotional epicentre of your brain and can have a super quick calming effect. Keep a bottle of Lavendar (calming), Bergamot (uplifting), Roman Chamomile (soothing, safe for children) nearby and breathe in the beautiful aromas to bring you back to a more peaceful state. Contact me or click here to access the purest oils on the marketplace. Also contact me to book a complimentary wellbeing check in areas such as stress, discomfort, digestive and sleep. If you want to know more about using essential oils for emotional support, click here to check out my video over on my Essential Happiness YouTube channel.
5. Challenge Those Beliefs
It's easy for our fears to run away with us when we feel stressed and under pressure. Those weeks in the lead up to Christmas can feel like an inevitable countdown with the big 'day' looming on the horizon. But it really is only one day! We have a tendency to overdo things trying to make it the ‘perfect’ Christmas we're all presented with on the TV ads. Dial back the perfectionism – where are you getting swept up and adding stress to yourself? And do you seriously need eight different kinds of vegetables to go with your Christmas dinner?!
6. Get Some Support
If you're the one doing all the running around, organising and cooking – delegate! Get help from other family members, even younger children can be roped in to help with small tasks. If you're the Christmas cook, ask your guests to bring different parts of the meal such as some snacks or dessert, that way you're not solely responsible for everything.
If you're feeling worried about being alone at Christmas, take action beforehand. Maybe you could invite some other people that are also going to be alone or find an online or local community event to attend. You could even turn the tables by volunteering at a shelter for homeless people and spreading some cheer to people that need it the most at Christmas.
If none of these are for you and you are going to be going solo, pre-plan what you would like to do on Christmas day. Maybe a leisurely breakfast followed by a nice walk, then some phone calls to friends or family. Is there anyone else you know that is on their own as well? Give them a call and make sure they're OK. Make yourself your favourite dinner, get cosy and watch a great movie or binge watch a box set. If you're not a TV lover, settle down with a good book. Whatever rocks your boat, do that on Christmas day, treat it like any other day if you prefer, just do what will make you feel most happy and comfortable. Definitely avoid any tv or things showing happy festive families and couples or anything that's going to make you feel down. If you need some support, do reach out – there are a lot of helplines available to call in the UK, many listed Here on the ITV website. If you don’t want to speak on the phone, Shout is a free text helpline – just text SHOUT to 85258.
If you're struggling with the thought of a solo Christmas – remember you still have choices. When we can't change outside situations, we still have the choice as to how we view that situation. We can choose what we tell ourselves about it, the beliefs we hold and thoughts we think. You have a choice:
Feel lonely and miserable focusing on the victimised viewpoint of your situation. Spend the day mulling over what could've been but wasn't, feeling isolated and set apart from others. Or…
Take the empowered viewpoint. Are there positives in being on your own at Christmas? You'll save loads of money, you’re not being dictated to by others and can do exactly what you want, you can stay cosy and warm at home… what else is a positive that you can find? Do you even like being around lots of other people? Find all those positives, write them down and refer to them every time you feel a negative thought arrive.
With practice, changing your viewpoint on things becomes easier over time as you train your brain to find more positives, so starting this before the Christmas period could help even more.
Whatever you do, count whatever blessings you can find and remember that it is only one day (well two with boxing day) to get through and it's all over and done with by the time you can say “shocking overdraft”.
7. Clear Some Emotional Baggage
We often become more stressed or over-anxious about situations when we are carrying trapped emotional energy in our bodies. If you have a Trapped Emotion of anxiety, you are naturally more likely to feel anxious in certain situations. Trapped Emotions and other trapped energies can make it easier for you to feel other uncomfortable emotions such as depression and anger which can get triggered during times of isolation or family gatherings at Christmas time.
Clearing these trapped energies is easy using the Emotion Code. You can either do it yourself by reading The Emotion Code book by Dr Bradley Cooper or by contacting me as your trained practitioner and booking a session. Let me help you to release the imbalances that may prevent you from connecting more deeply with your family and friends and prevent you from enjoying the festive season.
If you’re just too busy to have a session with me, then a remote email session is for you. You don’t need to be present (no pun intended!). All I need is your permission and I will run a session for you in the days following your booking and payment. I'll email you a report with details of all the energies that have been cleared and issues addressed.
If you’d like to know more about The Emotion Code, watch my video Here. After sessions, my clients often report feeling emotionally lighter, clearer and calmer, so the chances are you’ll be more able to have a great time. Book your remote session Here as soon as possible to ensure it’s carried out in the pre-Christmas period.
Together, let’s make this Christmas your best one ever!
Wishing you a very Happy Christmas. With love, Sarah xx